Cheating

All is quiet on the home front, as least when it comes to rockets and warfare.  I guess that means its time to turn my attention to other aspects of living in Israel.

On an Israeli mom board I read, one mother posted about another student pressuring her son into letting him copy his work.  The mother wanted to contact the teacher to complain, especially when the mom of the cheater also started pressuring the innocent boy to help her son cheat.  I was shocked...  but the other Israeli moms, not so much.

I am a teacher, so I know cheating happens.  I have seen it in Israel and I have seen it in the states.  But I cannot imagine telling a parent to not confront a teacher about cheating, because "You will seem American and the teacher will only laugh at you".  The general consensus from the Israeli moms was "Everyone cheats, if you arent a genius you must cheat to get into good high schools and colleges".

I am still a little shocked by this attitude.  Is this a student to student thing, an Israeli/American divide,  or do most people cheat and I just have too strict of a moral leash?

Pillar of Defense.

It has been a long time since Ive written.  The whole point of this blog was to chart the aliyah process, the differences between the US and Israel and how they have effected me.  I guess after 3 years here, the new and shocking doesnt seem so interesting to write about anymore.

Until now.  This last week we have been living at war for the first time since we made aliyah.  We had a rocket hit down the street from us, and experienced the fear of never knowing when the next siren would go off.  We have been amazingly lucky in comparison to our neighboring cities, but it still has not been easy.

I studied abroad in Israel during the second Intifada.  Terror attacks were happening often, but it was different.  I was single, the life I was 'putting on the line' was my own.  Now I am a married mother of two.  Every time a siren goes off I wonder "What am I doing here?  Why am I putting my girls through this?".  I feel guilty for ruining their innocence, for putting them into a situation that I dont have to.  I worry on how it will effect them, what they will think when they grow up and look back at our choices.

But then again....  this is home for now.  I believe in the cause, I dont want to let the terror group win.  I have a job and the kids have school and we have friends here. 

I dont know what the future holds for us, or how long we may stay here in Israel, or if we will move back to the states.  But for now this is home, and I am teaching my kids the power of staying strong, of following your dreams... and of being smart about keeping safe when possible.

Hopefully I will get back in the habit of updating more.

How big is too big?

When I got pregnant with my first daughter, my husband and I decided that it was time to start saving for a house of our own. Neither of us felt/feel comfortable taking out a large mortgage, so we really wanted to put as much of a down payment as possible.

I am from a VERY expensive area of California. I grew up in a house that was 3000 square feet, just me, my parents and a brother. My husband is from the south of Israel, and grew up in 1000 square feet with his parents and four siblings. Now that we have been looking at places (both to rent and to buy) it amazes me still how much culture plays a role in housing.

Here in Israel, land is at a premium and salaries are generally small. Because of that, it is very common to own a condo, and not a private house. In my city, the average condo size is around 1000 square feet, and the average house size between 1500-2000 square feet. Where I come from, no one owns a condo unless they live in San Francisco, and the average house size is much larger.

Even forgetting the actual house size, the layout of houses always amazes me. In Los Angeles we rented a 1 bedroom nearly 700 square foot apartment. Here we rent a nearly 600 square foot 2 bedroom. Israelis seem to like to squish as many rooms as possible into their spaces.... and as few bathrooms. It all seems rather counter intuitive to me. When we were discussing building our own house, I told my Mother in Law that I would like 2000 or more square feet... her first reaction? "But how will you clean it???" I guess the sand does make it harder...

So I am still debating. How big is too big? How small is too small? And can a family really live with only one bathroom? (I'm going to say NO on that last one...)

I am really not good at this

Well, it has been almost a year since my last post. It has been a crazy year, with ups and downs. We have welcomed another daughter to our family, and said goodbye to other family members. So what got me writing again?

9/11. The 10 year anniversary is this week, and I just can't get it out of my mind. Maybe it will get me back into the blogging world.

In 8th grade, my history teacher had us do a project in which we interview family members on days they would never forget. For my grandparents it was Pearl Harbor and the end of WWII, for my parents it was the assassination of JFK and the first man landing on the moon. I remember thinking at the time, "how could anyone remember a day that exactly?" My grandmother could tell me all the details about where she was when she heard about Pearl Harbor, even 60 years later. I thought it would be cool to have a day burned in my memory like that... and now I know its not as exciting as it seemed.

On 9/11/2001, I was in High School, Junior year. My alarm went off at 6am CA time, and the first plane hitting was on the news. I went to talk to my parents, then turned on the tv just in time to watch the second plane hit. Everything seemed to freeze, and even the news anchor didn't know what to say. My whole world changed in the moment. I dont remember many other specifics during the day, just listening to the radio at school. We were all in shock. It was the first time any of us had experienced a moment like that, where the whole world just seemed to stop.

my most vivid memory is actually of the Friday after. My boyfriend at the time took me to see a movie, and at the end a boy died. I remember everything about 9/11 just hitting me all in that one moment. We stood in the parking lot of that theater and I cried for almost an hour. I just couldn't believe what had happened.

10 years later I am the mom of 2 girls... and it is hitting me hard again. Maybe it is because I am old enough to really understand what happened. I look at my girls and my heart just breaks, because I want to shield them from any sort of harm. Maybe it is because I am living in Israel now, and I know that Americans have forgotten so easily what it is like to be attacked, yet it is something I still struggle with every day.

My heart goes out to the families of the victims, who are still suffering 10 years later... and my mind goes to all those who lost their lives that day, and the people they never got to become.

Even though its the holiday season here in Israel, Ive been attending ulpan a couple times a week. Its been more laid back, because of the constant holidays, but I love being back in the classroom, even if its as a student. this last week has definitely been full of a couple "only in israel" moments.

During a break in ulpan I went with a classmate to a beauty store because she needed some things. the cashier was SO excited to talk to us... she had made aliyah from Georgia (the country, not the state) when she was 18 (at least 40 years ago). She was so excited that we had made aliyah and that we were joining the Jewish people in Israel. She wished us good luck, and thanked us (!) for being here.

Later in class we were discussing the terror events of the Munich Olympics, and learning words that relate to that, such as the word for hostage. A classmate raised her hand and said that her husband had been a hostage during the entebbe crisis, when a plane was hijacked from Israel to Paris. her husband will come in later in the class to give us a first hand account of the event. it was beyond amazing, and proves how little we know about others.

And last but not least... sukkot starts today, and I am amazed to see our whole block covered with sukkahs. Its a great sight, and really makes me feel connected to my neighbors. i love being part of the majority, and knowing that the rest of the country is celebrating with me. chag sameach!

After a long break, I decided to head back to Ulpan. I am heading to ashdod this time, since it is the closest city that has a real ulpan past the first level. Its an interesting change, since many of the immigrants in Ashdod as French, and it creates a very different atmosphere from the totally Russian class I had here in KG.

I am always amazed in Ulpan how many people have been here 10+ years, yet dont have a basic grasp of Hebrew. I understand that its a difficult language... but you made the choice to move here. I had this same puzzlement in California, when my second generation Mexican-American students had no basic grasp of English by Middle School or High School. Its frustrating to me. After 2 or 3 years an immigrant should be able to hold a basic conversation- the supermarket, public transport, the bank....

In other news... it is holiday season here! Since Rosh Hashana start Wednesday night, Israel will be in a three day holiday.... while this is (semi) common for the states, its creating a panic here in Israel. The stores have been packed the last couple days, and the lines in the supermarket have been crazy. I am looking forward to my second year of holidays here in Israel... I have now officially experienced every Holiday here, and I am looking forward to seeing them through new eyes again.

שנה טובה

the conflict

I found this website last week called bookmooch, where anyone can sign up and you trade books all over the world. This has been a blessing, since books in English are so expensive here. For the last year I have been stocking up on books when Im visiting the states, but since Im such an avid reader it just hasnt been enough. In the past week I have sent off 9 books and recieved 10 in return. Its a great system....

One of the books I am currently reading is called "Coming Home to Jerusalem" by Wendy Orange. Its been a really interesting read so far. Since the intifada died down, almost 5 years ago now, its easier to forget about the conflict... The last week has started to bring the memories back, with the two shootings in the west bank. I obviously wasnt living here during the Oslo Peace Accords in the 1990s... and in fact the only memory I have of Israel from that time is the murder of Rabin, which shocked all of my hebrew school teachers, but left me wondering why it was so important and who this Rabin was.

I dont agree with many of Orange's opinions, but its interesting to read about the situation in Israel through an American perspective. it leaves me wondering how we got to where we are now. Its been 17+ years since the peace accords, and its hard to imagine the mindset at the time. The second intifada is much clearer to me, and the pain and fear Israelis felt. I was first here in 2004, and we were scared to death of terror attacks. When I studied here in 2005 we had an attack in my city, and were constantly aware of the situation after the disengagement. Its been a quiet lull since then, but there is not great feeling that we are actively moving towards some sort of peace, no matter what the white house says. If anything, the most people hope for is quiet.

I dont know the situation in Gaza now, and as an American I am almost ashamed to admit how closed off we are to the situation only a couple miles away... we live our lives like anywhere else, and its so easy to not question it. I do, of course, have two brother in laws serving in the middle of the action every day, but in my own life I can imagine it all happening far away. One brother in law serves in silwan, where there have been riots often, but my own trips to Ir David, at the edge of the same area, have been quiet.

Sometimes I marvel at the fact that I do actually live in Israel, in a place that is so much the center of debate and religion... yet after only a year it simply feels like a place to build a home and a life... like anywhere else.

Yehis grandfather passed away last week (BDE), so I have spent the last week experiencing another first here in Israel... the mourning process. Yehis father and his siblings have been sitting shiva all week at his grandparents house, and we went by every day to visit. Like in the states, people stopped by throughout the day to visit and share their condolences. Every night a hundred + people would show up for the evening service. On the last night they had 300+ people. I know that Yehis grandfather was well respected in the community, but he had been sick for 10+ years. It amazes me that that many people were willing to take the time out of their week to share in the sadness and the memories.

Here in Israel it is also customary to bury the dead as soon as possible. Yehi's grandfather passed away last shabbat in the afternoon, and the funeral was that night at 11pm. It was the first time i had ever been to a funeral at midnight... kind of a creepy experience. But again, I was amazed that only 3 hours after shabbat ended, 100 people were there to celebrate in his memory and share their grief. Israelis really understand the need for community, and will drop everything to help out. We never wanted for food all week... though the heat was a bit stressful.

The week of sitting shiva is over now, so things are starting to head back to being normal... i know it is hard for yehis family, but I am glad I was here to show my support.

one year

I know I never post anymore... but to be fair we havent spent much time in one place this summer. but I had to break the silence because...

today is our one year aliyah-versary! It has officially been one year since we landed here in Israel. Hard to believe how quickly it has gone, and how much has changed.

Sometimes its still hard to believe that we live in Israel, that we are really making a life here. I still miss my family everyday (many times a day really), but I feel better about my ability to survive as an Israeli citizen. My hebrew is far from fluent, but I can get by on my own in most situations... In the past year I have argued with an Israeli taxi driver, held a job as an israeli citizen, attended multiple events in a week, picked up hitchikers and helped out family sitting shiva.

I am currently reading a book called "Yesterday's Self", which is an analysis of immigrants and the effect immigration has on the individual. I feel strange calling myself an immigrant, but that is what I am. The book questions if it is possible for a person to move countries, yet still retain the same identity they call themselves. While a year ago I would have said yes, I no longer know. To be fair a lot has changed since we moved (motherhood, etc)... but I can also feel myself beginning to respond to daily situations differently than I would have before... mostly to fit into the local culture.

It has been a good year overall. may the next year be just as good! (and may I keep being able to see my family as much as I have this year, if not more)

It has been a peaceful couple months here... but that never lasts for long. Todays incident has brought a lot of fear and anger back into Israelis... it was for something a lot less serious than this that the last intifada was started.

I struggle with the Israel conflict. I see so many people (facebook friends, blogs I read, the news...) discussing 'Israel the aggressor' and 'the bloodbaths in Gaza'. I dont have the strength to fight everyones opinions, but I cant believe some of the blanket statements I hear. I never know if I should stand up for my new home or just let it pass. In college, Hillel used to tell students that there were three types of people when it came to any argument- the 'saints', the 'sinners' and the 'salvageables'.... basically that it was pointless to argue with anyone who was already blatantly anti-israel, because they would never listen, and instead to focus on the last group because they could still be 'converted'. That may sound horribly biased, but its true with all arguments that one believes strongly in.

It pains me when events like this happen, because then I realize how many people hate me just for being here... and I wonder why I would ever have brought my daughter into this situation. My husband on the other hand believes this is exactly why we are here... to show people that Israel has a right to defend itself and its citizens... including us. we will see what happens over the next couple days and weeks. heres hoping that it remains relatively peaceful...

mothers day

Israelis dont celebrate Mothers Day, and its something that really bothers me. I get the idea of the Israeli "family day", but in reality no one celebrates it. And even though Mothers Day has turned into a serious Hallmark holiday in the states, I appreciate the importance of the day more every year.

My mother and I are too much alike in many ways, and VERY different in others. Growing up I never really appreciated what she did for us. My mom worked very hard in her career and her job, and I often complained that we were second place. I never took the time to notice that we ate dinner as a family together almost every night, or that until I was in High School most of our meals were home made.

Thats not to say, of course, that I NEVER appreciated my mother... I just didnt really understand her. How can a child ever truly understand what a parent goes through? I have been a mother less than a year, but I have already made some revelations in the parent-child bond. I am still the person i was before I became a mother... I have my own dreams and goals in my future career, and they are now mixed with the desire to offer my child(ren) the best that I can, included family meals and school events and everything else that may come. This is not an easy task, and I struggle with the conflict between who I was and who I am as a mother.

Being out on my own, in a foreign country, has really made me think about my childhood. I am sad sometimes that my child(ren) will not experience the same things I did... The fall decorations in school, learning the alphabet... and I worry that I will not be able to connect with the things they do learn in school, or the experiences they have growing up. Everyday I become more thankful for the opportunities my parents offered me, and I can only hope to offer them to my children.

So, for my mother who I worry sometimes thinks that I have forgotten her.... I love you so very much, and I am thankful for everything you have done. Happy Mothers Day.

What is the cost of education? And where does in rank in importance to everything else in life? My co-latin teacher and I were discussing Israeli education today, and the issues and benefits that come with it. I, thankfully, have a couple years before I need to start making decisions about education for my child, but it always sits at the top of my mind.

My husband and I both got very good educations. From the time I started grade school I knew that college was not an option... it was a fact. I went to private school for middle and high school, and got one of the best educations in the area. I am thankful everyday for the opportunities it provided. I have since gotten both my bachelors and my masters degree. Where I went to school this was the norm. My husband grew up in a very different area, but his parents decided to send him to an elite religious boarding school. He is the only one of his siblings to get a 4-year college degree (so far...).

We talk often about our options. Here in KG education is not paramount. Like many areas in the US, it is possible to get a good education here, but only if the parents (and the student of course) are very focused on finding the best options, and enforcing and encouraging education at home. This is something that seems natural to me, but it isnt to most families here. This area is much more blue collar, and most residents dont have a college degree. There is also the defining factor of the army... most people who do attend college only do so after the army... at the age of 22 or 23. This simple, but significant, factor encourages many to simply go straight to work after.

Luckily we have some time before making these decisions... but as teachers this is something that we talk about everyday. Every discussion makes me more and more thankful for my own upbringing and my parents insistence on a good education

contrasts

I'll admit it, there are a lot of things I dont love about living in Israel... but the holidays arent one of them. Israelis manage to experience and express their feelings about life in ways that I only dream of. In the states memorial day is celebrated by sales, July 4th with picnics. They have no connection to each other, and although you often see red, white and blue table cloths, not many families hang actual flags outside their house. the only time i remember real patriotism was in the months after 9-11, and even that faded fast.

Israel is a completely different story. Today is memorial day, and every tv station is either turned "off" or playing memorial documentaries on those who have lost their lives to terror or in the line of duty. The stories are heart wrenching, and I cried more than once. Here memorial day (or veterans day) is not just an image of a lone WWII soldier crying at a ceremony... its a living memorial to those who we loose every year.

In complete contrast, Independence Day starts tonight. The Israeli flags have been flying for at least a week, from every car, house and public building. Even the freeway, on which I make my daily commute, is lined with flags. Free flags came with the weekend newspaper, and a coworker offered me her extra flags when she noticed I didnt have any on my car. Our city is hosting a major party, with a well known singer and comedians, and tomorrow we will have close to 80 people celebrating with us in the park- BBQing the israeli way. It is my first Independence Day as an Israeli citizen, and I feel honored to be a part of it. I am proud of my dual citizenship, even with the dfficulties i sometimes face.

small world.

I decided to take the baby out to the shuk (market) today, to let her look at all the colors and the actions going on. She loves "talking" back to the vendors yelling their prices and to look at all the items. On the way back I stopped at aroma (a coffee shop) to get something to drink... and outside the mall here in KG was a LARGE group of kids.... speaking english!

this is a major event here. i stopped and asked one of the adults where they were from... and of course they were from california! it was a group of 60 some odd middle schoolers, from a jewish day school. i knew the school, and the teacher i talked to knew the school i used to teach at. it was nice to talk to people who come from near me... its something small i know, but its so nice to talk to people who understand how you grew up. even if their upbringing was different, the simple proximity creates a bond. and it just goes to show how small of a world we really live in.

in other news, the city is gearing up to independence day next week. the flags are flying and the bbqs are getting ready. i am really excited to celebrate it for the first time as an israeli myself.

holocaust remembrance day

israelis can be hard to deal with. they are in your face, always in your business and never hesitate to tell you if you are doing something 'wrong'. there are moments living here that i just want to give up, to go back and hide in my safe house in america, and not worry or have to deal with israelis or israel.

but then there are moments. like today, yom hashoah. the siren goes off at 10am, and everyone stops. we were in the israelis version of babies-r-us, buying a new car seat, when the cashier says "its almost 10". I walked to the front door of the store as the siren went off... and everyone just stopped. cars stopped in the middle of the road, their drivers got out to pay their respects. we listened to the siren, each lost in our own thoughts. 65 years have passed, but to israelis, to israel, this is a real pain. as the siren faded away a lone car drove by, and those who had pulled over to pay their respects shouted at it. you dont interrupt remembrance.

all day the tv channels where either off the air or played world war II related movies and shows. this is a real part of israeli life, and i love it. in the states memorial day is filled with bbqs and shopping, here it is a real part of everyones day, everyone takes that time our to really remember what it costs to have a country, and the lives that are so easily given up. i love living in a country where the holidays are really meaningful, where people can appreciate the meaning behind the hallmark card.... even if it means dealing with the bad parts too.

pesach

Its still hard to believe how fast this year has gone. Last passover I was seriously pregnant, cooking for my family and friends in my parents guest house and teaching in the states... here we are a year later, with an amazing baby girl, living in israel and not lifting a finger for the holiday. it has its pluses and minuses... but once again its nice to be able to celebrate in a country that celebrates with me.

We spent the seder with yehis grandparents on the moshav. it was nice to get away from the "city".. though it was my first time experiencing seder with his grandparents. his grandmother doesnt trust pre-made food on passover, so she makes everything from scratch.... including the wine and olive oil, made from olives from their own back yard.

in the week of pesach we tried to enjoy the holiday... yehi tried kosher for passover mcdonalds hamburgers, which is quite an amazing feat. we enjoy multiple bbqs in our own backyard. i love the feeling of the whole country being on holiday and really celebrating with us. we also made a trip to jerusalem, to the kotel... huge crowds, lots of heat... but worth it. we also stopped in the new mamilla mall, which was just like being back in the states- tommy, polo, gap, nine west..... quite a show, all for 4 times the price! actually i was surprised that the gap prices werent higher... but i still think ill wait for my trips to the states to buy.

tonight is mimouna, the sephardic holiday for the end of passover. it means a massive party on the moshav, with a live band and tons of food. its a little harder with the baby and passover ending so late... but its time to enjoy bread again!

baruch dayan haemet

the last couple days have been tough. Everyday has brought bad news, although B"H nothing directly relating to the family. Israel is a small country though, and every death feels close to home. On Friday two soldiers were killed... my BIL who is an officer in the army knew long before anything was posted on the news. One of the soldiers who died went to school with my husband, as did his brother who died in combat 12 years ago. My heart goes out to his family, and the family of the other soldier killed.

One of my husbands neighbors also passed away on Thursday. we spent shabbat in a sad sort of mood, and I am thankful for all the blessings I have. Monday night is the start of Passover, and I will celebrate my freedom and the ability to live the life I want with a loving family in multiple countries. May everyone have a healthy and peaceful holiday, chag sameach

sometimes i think there should be a test to become a parent...

Very few crazy things happen here in KG. Crime is low, there isnt much to do here after dark (or during the day really...) and its a pretty quiet town. When something does happen, it shocks the community, and since everyone is connected in this town, its hard to not feel affected by it.

Last night a single mother put her four year old son to sleep in their apartment. Her ex-husband lives in a near by moshav (of course the same moshav my husbands parents are from), but it was the mothers turn to watch their kids. Their elder child was at a party, and needed to be picked up... so she left the younger son asleep in his room, and stepped out for just a minute. The four year old woke up, went looking for his mom... and at some point fell off their balcony... on the 10th floor of an apartment building. Two of my husbands cousins were in the rescue team which first got to him, but he was pronounced dead on the scene.

This is one thing I just will never understand about Israeli culture. They pride themselves on the fact that their kids can go outside after dark alone without worry... they have no qualms about taking their infants in the car without seatbelts and no qualms about leaving children alone in the house... i just plain dont understand! There are so many things that could happen with a four year old alone in the house, and I am puzzled as to what the mom was thinking. There are so many times that I get into arguments here about whats safe for my child... its such a pity.

My inlaws are going to the shiva, and we may go also. I feel so horrible for the parents, especially the father. Its such a sudden thing, to have a child one day and then hes gone. baruch dayan haemet

the perfect weekend

last weekend was the perfect weekend. as a birthday gift from my grandparents we spend the weekend at a hotel in tel aviv. I had kosher sushi with my brother-in-law and his wife, a long walk through tel aviv, time in an antique market, explored Jaffo, got a manicure and spent a long quiet time with just my husband and our baby. It was the first time since she was born that we got away just the three of us... and it was wonderful. There were no schedules, no where we needed to be... just a lot of aimless walking and talking.

sometimes its nice to feel like a tourist. even my husband commented that he feels like a tourist in tel aviv... its almost as different from KG as San Francisco is. Speaking of, the SF JCRC had a meeting at the same hotel we stayed at! I wanted to sneak in and see if I knew anyone, but I didnt. I did however get to people watch- there was a wedding Thursday night that included all of the richest people in israel, from the owner of channel 2 to the owner of a bank. i didnt recognize any of them of course, but my husband was beyond excited.

all in all the weekend was much needed and much appreciated. I feel ready to take on the world... starting with my house. I have started cleaning for passover, but i really need to kick it into high gear. not a ton left to do, but all the hardest things... it will start right after i bake myself a birthday cake!

getting ready

Living as an expat means that everyday I deal with cultural differences... these can be good and bad, but it makes me open my eyes every time. Passover is coming soon, and while in the states I would be started my menu planning and possibly my cleaning, here in Israel the preparation started the SECOND purim ended. The newspapers are filled with passover sales, all my mother-in-law can talk about is how she is behind on cleaning the house, and I feel guilty every time I realize that I havent even started my preparations.

I guess I have an excuse. In the states I usually plan and organize a seder (or two). The first year we were married we put on a seder for our friends, last year for my family and friends. Here in Israel we are going elsewhere- to my husbands family. That cuts down on my preparation by a significant amount. Being here also means that I have less meals to prepare for the whole week of pesach, due to my in laws insistence that we spend almost every day with them. So I have been pushing off the cleaning part, the only major item on my to-do list.

Well, today I finally gave in to all the pressure and started cleaning. Since our place is small its not actually that big of a deal, and it really does need a thorough cleaning... but with a baby underfoot its 10 times as hard. It still feels good to be able to check off some rooms... and I dont even have an oven to clean this year! Even though we still have two weeks, the whole city is in preparation mode, and its something I am definitely not used to. we are going away next weekend, so I am excited to see how the rest of the country is gearing up. I also get a long school break for the holiday, so we will have a chance to do some sightseeing and get out of the house. the weather has already turned to summer, so it should be a nice time. it really is amazing to live in such a jewish country sometimes.