jet lag... still?

This week has made me happy to be a stay at home mom. Baby has decided that sleeping through the night is no longer fun, and has been waking up every hour. We are attempting to move her into sleeping in her own crib at night, which hasnt helped the situation... but when she wakes up in the middle of the night in our bed she just wants to play! Suffice it to say it has been a long couple nights with not much end in sight...

I headed back to Ulpan this week, after an almost three week break. My hebrew understanding and speaking are getting a ton better, but I am still no good at proper grammar, especially when asked out of context. I still use hebrew (or my tortured form of it) about 40% of my daily life, so I am trying... but it still so much easier to fall back into english when I dont know how to say something! This is especially problematic with my husband or his english speaking brother or cousin... because I know I use them as a crutch. Part of me thinks "Ive only been here 5 months, I deserve the break", but the other part of me knows that if I REALLY want to learn the language properly than I am going to have to give in and speak hebrew all the time.

We have been 'learning' about Tu Bshvat in class, and discussing the fruits native to israel and the roots behind the holiday. Its always interesting to discuss religion with my russian classmates, who have very strong opinions about religion (both good and bad). It always amazes me how strongly zionistic my class is... Today they were discussing how their parents always talked about eretz Israel and dreamed about it and passed the beauty on to them.

I was talking to one of my classmates about when she made aliyah, 25 years ago. She said that she grew up thinking that the streets of Israel were really filled with milk and honey... and then she came here to KG to streets filled with trash and people who didnt bathe and left the house a mess. She said she cried for weeks... her dream of Israel had been ruined. When I asked her what she though now, she said that it was a mixture... things have by far gotten better here, and she has gotten used to the fact that Israel is in fact a country that people live in... not just a land in her parents dreams. I think that many immigrants to the US in the early 1900s must have felt the same way when realizing that the streets of America aren't really paved with gold. It was an eye opening conversation... and I am thankful for everything we have

As I have mentioned before, I am taking the second level of ulpan. Since we dont live in a place with many immigrants (at least non-Ethiopian immigrants- they get their own ulpans), there are only two levels offered. Thus the class I am taking, while supposed to be "bet" is really a combination of all levels above the first. Since I never really finished the first level, this has made it hard to catch up. I feel comfortable in class, but I know that the level is really slightly above where I should be if I really want to learn.

Last night class was crazy. We had a sudden influx of new Russian students, and a lot of them took cell phone calls, talked in Russian and totally ignored the teacher. After class the teacher pulled me aside and said that she knew I really wanted to learn, but thought that I could use some help. She gave me a workbook to use that is more on my level, and told me to do the exercises, then come show her and ask when I need help. I was floored and so thankful! She wouldnt take any payment for the book (or the extra time, but since I also have Yehi I promised not to take up too much of her extra time). It was nice to know that she really wants to help me learn.

It is still strange to me to be learning a language to use in daily life. Most of my previous experience has been with Latin and ancient Greek, neither of which are actively spoken. I am trying to keep up my motivation without grades or tests, and keep reminding myself that my tests are really in every conversation I have with my mother-in-law or in the grocery store. I know that I rely on Yehi and his perfect hebrew too much, but right now I just dont have the vocabulary to go some places... I will have to get over that fear once Yehi gets back to work

My goal is to be relatively fluent in two years- at least to the point where I can understand the news and tv shows and most of daily life... I was told this is a possible goal- seems so far away, but I am working on it. Language is so important, and I hate feeling one step behind everyone else... or like people are talking to a first grader. Oh the joys of living in a foreign country...