emotions

recently i have been worried about this whole aliyah thing. moving halfway around the world, as far away from my parents and family as one can get... well the guilt is pretty strong. i dont like the fact that I am taking a granddaughter away from my parents (although we will skype as often as possible), and i dont like not being able to share to day to day celebrations and milestones with them. i was worried that when the plane lands in israel i would feel none of the joy that comes with being there. maybe i would be the only person on the plane crying because i wasnt sure i was doing the right thing.

but i think i am doing the right thing. i was watching NBN videos yesterday, and that spark of joy came back watching people enjoy their aliyah. i know what this means. when i was studying in israel, even though it was hard, i loved that being jewish could just be a part of who i was. i didnt have to fight over holiday vacations, kosher food, meetings that run into shabbat... it just was, whether i needed it or not. i am now looking forward to the move again. i know that the pain of leaving my family is there, and its important. but we can do this... and we should be doing this. for now it is what is right for my new little family. and the joy of transportation today means we can visit my family more often...

now if only we didnt have to fly to get there. i hate flying!